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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE WORLD - because I want you to know every tiny, insignificant detail of my life.


Previous Entry AN OPEN LETTER TO THE WORLD Feb. 6th, 2006 @ 10:39 pm Next Entry

okay, that's enough capital punishment. anyway, women, I'm primarily looking at you. to be fair, there are myriad sartorial horrors of the pants subset that men often perpetuate (sir, I do not care to know that you dress to the left, thank you). and there are a number of crimes committed by women as well (gauchos—especially those that appear inspired by Aladdin couture—should probably never be worn. even by a real gaucho.). however, the thing that has been bugging me as of late is when women wear pants that cruelly constrict their lower waist, causing that inevitable bit of quasi-love-handles side fat to bulge outward in a cry for help (and I don't care how much you weigh, if you wear pants that are too small in the waist, you will emphasize that two-inch bulge). I'm pro-tight pants, if that's your thing, but wear them responsibly. in fact, if you like pants that cut you off at the waist and make it difficult to breathe, have at it, but wear a sweater over that shit. if you're pairing your otherwise delightful (I'm sure) pants with a cute cropped top (the more frequent occurrence), so better to show off your otherwise toned midriff, wouldn't you rather have a nice silhouette? the hourglass shape is indeed classically appealing, but not when you're displaying your crippling inability to buy pants in the correct size. and it is a wonderful thing to love your body, whatever shape it is, which is incredibly sexy if you wear clothes that fit you. flatter your figures! spilling out of your pants is not okay! so, go up a waist size (nobody, save your dry cleaner, needs to know) and breathe deeply. if you're worried about plummeting pantaloons now that they're not cinched to critical tension, throw in a kicky belt (make your hipbones do some work). believe me, you'll be happier, and so will I.

okay, rant over (for the moment). in other news, I caught the winning...er, touchdown? yeah, that. at our most recent football game. short-passes only, my foot. hah. however, having now done that, my football career has peaked. alas.

well, that'll do it. catch ya next time.

(oh, by the way, sorry if you're reading this in IE6 and it looks weird, but when I started updating in Firefox I noticed that the twelve-point font looked like ass on a stick, so I switched.)

“...not just a fad cause it's been going on so long...”

mood: hee, pantaloons
music: Jan and Dean, "Catch a wave"
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Date:February 7th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
This response isn't original or anything, but Word.
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