and, to appropriately scramble your brain before you begin reading, peruse the following sentence, taken from one of my second-year syllabi:
"Proteins produced in each phase may be proteolytically processed from a polyprotein precursor translated from its subgenomic mRNA."
J: on what is your exam?
W: clinical pathology -- this section's on blood
J: at least you're relatively sanguine about it
W: oh ha ha
B: are you at lunch or what?
W: yeah, we have a break until one or so
W: at which time I will either bludgeon myself to death with the CPU or trudge over to lab and pray for death.
W: but a Mac? no. a Dell? yes.
B: i have both, what am i?
W: oh, hey! look at that! surrounding something with asterisks puts it in bold! hmm, what if I surround an asterisk with asterisks... ** crazy.
W: …like me, for talking to myself.
W: netflix is suing blockbuster for "ripping off the idea of mail-order rentals and no late fees." which is approximately equivalent to Star Market suing Shaw’s for selling food.
W: you know your definition of "talkative" is too liberal when it describes two emails comprised of thirteen words and one link (:
B: see, you counted. you're bored.
W: I'm thorough.
B: i'm bored.
W: finally we have a small respite from the death march of exams.
W: have you considered just hitting her a lot with one of those Nerf bats?
P: I was actually thinking a regular wood baseball bat
W: yeah, that'd work too.
W: I'd just gotten back from l'hopital.
B: have to put another mare down?
W: what do you mean, another?
B: i make stuff up
W: I also wished that I'd put him in the Pelham rather than the snaffle, but whatever.
B: you could be making up words and i wouldn't know.
B: i read that but dropped the h :)
W: I'm not that hungry. yet.
W: oh no! the enemy's gate is sideways!
W: here's hoping. who reads the BOTs? er, BsOT. well, technically, probably BsOCDs. …I'm going to stop that now.
W: books on tape
B: pocky gives you the power to pack.
W: indeed. pocky gives me the power to do many things. like fly!
L: how do i turn it off? i imagine in that settings area. i'm always afraid it's really a gateway into narnia.
W: the narnia option has its own tab.
B: if you could fly, then no capes. not as impressive with no super powers
W: wait, you think I have no super powers?
W: now, riddle me this -- why do they always include vile flavors in the jelly bean pack? and I'm not even talking buttered popcorn, which is indeed rather unpleasant, but more along the lines of blueberry that tastes like medicine, and green apple that tastes like, oh, I don't know, death
B: to spite you
W: oh, well that makes sense then.
B: and buttered popcorn is the second most popular flavor, next to cherry.
W: are you serious? who is it that's eating them, the clinically insane?
P: so, what are your plans for today?
W: oh, y'know, a little smiting.
P: who is the victim today?
W: I haven't decided yet.
B: hey girl. how's it going?
W: not bad, uh, boy. though an evil combination of packing and studying is making me seriously consider clawing my own eyes out. you?
B: same, clawing your eyes out.
W: I'm done with school!
L: congrats! wait, aren't you done with school until school starts again?
W: well ... yes. but still. now I have a summer to spend fighting with my three different bosses!
L: hooray! why 3? are you working at the department of veterinary bureaucracy?
L: but how are you supposed to last the summer if you can't even set one little kid on fire? jeez.
W: I know! I keep telling them that, but they insist that there be no immolations, alas.
L: what about alleged self-conflagration?
W: ooh, I'll have to look into that one.
P: you are weird
W: well, I am indeed weird, but I hardly think that washing my floor qualifies as an indictment of weirdness.
W: guess what! I've been awake for the last thirty hours!
B: …killing. wow, i'm dark.
W: heh, that'd be different.
L: do you think gmail will eventually catch on to people like you and animate even your strange perverse backwards smileys?
W: I hope not. I like my smileys backwards and unadulterated by animation!
B: how's it going?
B: that good?
B: your present is also not in the mail
W: it's where all the cool presents aren't.
W: okay, whoever decided that the computer battery should be screwed to the casing needs to be found and shot.
B: done. he lived down the hall.
P: people are playing the clarinet right now
P: next door
W: oy. pull out your trumpet. and then go next door and beat your neighbor(s) to death with it.
P: what does mulder do?
P: hmm. stare, swoon, sleep with Scully. die several times.
W: yep, all of the above
P: oy, my father told me i was insane. ahahah. haahhaha. ahhoihefna ghgdoihfogvihg
W: clearly he was not far off.
W: it's good to have housemates that are not actively interested in your demise.
P: were you ever actively interested in my demise?
W: no, planning demise is too time-consuming
P: well, that does not mean you don’t want my demise to happen, but i will take what i can get. thank you for not actively hating me.
W: no problem!
P: you stopped talking...
W: I did.
W: oh, except for then.
L: sigh, remember scantron? who invented that?
W: a very efficient sadist.
L: seems like higher education wasn't en vogue in the uk for those 700 years.
W: well, you know, the plague was all the rage during those days.
L: true, true. when i catch a widespread rat-born contagion i generally get turned off to the idea of higher education as well
W: psychology and art history do seem to lose their appeal in the face of a crippling pandemic.
W: I think I now have the largest Pocky supply east of the Mississippi.
D: is that like whazzzzzzup? backwards?
B: more fun this semester?
W: well, there's more of it, overall, but I'm not sure if they upped the fun quotient.
W: wow ... "wasn't productive in raising the company's revenue" -- you need a jargonectomy, stat.
B: this is jargon: "i created synergy among crucial stakeholders and reached positive consensus."
W: ouch. just throw in a couple of misspellings and some comma abuse and you have my perfect nightmare.
J: sorry, had to have an extended conference about buttons.
W: as one does.
J: thus destroying forever my ability to make terrible puns with the term.
W: with any luck, yes
J: I asked for that.
W: a bit.
W: maybe an internet goblin ate them.
J: at a glance I thought you'd said "maybe an intelligent goblin ate them" and thought "well as long as it wasn't the other kind"
W: the problem with intelligent goblins is that they know all the good hiding spots and it's very tricky to get whatever they've eaten back from them. the relatively stupid goblins are much easier to find, catch, and subdue.
J: as opposed to the comparatively simple process of retrieving intact anything that any other creature has eaten
W: it's all due to goblin anatomy.
J: I'm glad I have a competent goblologist to explain these things for me
J: I like to buy organic when possible, but in the case of things like cookies my oft-repeated refrain is "Don't you people sell anything NORMAL?" thus it was that I ended up with a package of organically produced, whole grain chocolate chip soft-baked cookies.
W: see, I am very mistrustful of organic, hippy crunchy granola cookies, 'cause I'm afraid that one day I'll bite into a cookie that tastes terrible and then go and read the fine print that says something to the effect of "Made with the finest Brocolate chips!" and I'll be all "Brocolate? What in the heck is Brocolate?" at which point I'll notice the explanatory side panel that reads "Brocolate is a healthy alternative to Chocolate, made from the freshest Broccoli and violated by wombats."
W: (and then in the accompanying tiny print: *no wombats were harmed in the making of Brocolate. except for that one.
W: ooh! someone should totally make Stonehenge Lozenges!
J: they can call it..... Lozhenge.
L: so how's that whole... animal... dentist thing? what is it you do again?
W: speaking of feeling less than awesome about one's academic prowess, we just got an email about scholarships that included the following: "note: students with cumulative GPA's of 3.96 or higher fall within the top 10%." oy.
W: I mean, I certainly didn't think I was in the top 10% or anything, but I also didn't think I was in, like, the bottom negative inverse terrible butterflies percent, either.
L: i think it would have been her. show her radical side at long last as she led the emancipation of the cafeteria ladies
W: ladies with which I was sadly unfamiliar.
W: er, whom. with whom.
W: as they were, in all likelihood, actual people. and not robots.
W: though if she led a revolution of robot lunch ladies, that would be the best thing ever.
W: until you were bitten by a random vocabulary goblin! and now you're spouting bizarre words all over the place.
J: hey, you might know this
W: that's a colon.
W: you know, international chess matches take less time to complete than conversations with you do.
B: honored that you would compare me to a very expensive computer. or a Russian.
J: my laptop screen at home has progressed from "smudgy" to "cloudy"
W: be sure that it doesn't progress further to "opaque"
J: I think I have to hit "public restroom mirror" before I get to full-out "opaque"
W: the tech guy also removed about a metric ton of compacted dust from my fan apparatus
J: haha Greg and I did that to my computer at work a few weeks ago. it was astonishing, the volume
W: after hoovering out his weight in dust the tech dude looked at me and said "yeah ... it'll probably run a little cooler for you now" and I was all "hardy har har, now help me lift this dust bunny and carry it outside"
J: unless it was Bob
J: yeah, Bob … Bob Noxious, the library poltergeist
J: spring break is a bit early this season, eh? you'll be lucky if the ground is thawed.
W: what did you do during spring break? fence-building? gravedigging?
W: A common, benign neoplasm of the canine oral cavity localized to the gum is:
a. Acanthomatous epulis
b. Amelanontic melanoma
d. Fibro-osseous epulis
J: f. Ameliabedelia
W: it's a severe case of drawing the curtains! better make some lemon meringue pie, stat!
J: aha. ::haze of confusion dissipates::
W: oh, my confusion cloud is always present. I'm thinking about naming him.
B: wow, way to tie back a previous thread
W: you know, in the real world, they're called *conversations*
W: I'm currently sitting in what is colloquially known as the most despised course in the entirety of the veterinary curriculum.
J: I doubt that "the most despised course in the entirety of the veterinary curriculum" is exactly how you colloquially tend to refer to it
J: unless you're all unusually verbose
W: you've met me, right?
P: damn the man for telling me i can’t have a snack in the library
W: granted, having worked at a library forever, I sympathize with the man in this instance
P: i am an adult, i know not to spill
W: well, yes, but most people don't intentionally spill things.
P: i would rather be a penguin. they are outside the tank.
W: they're still in a cage
P: but not with the shark
W: he goes in on Thursdays
P: who does?
W: the shark. with the penguins.
P: what? really?
W: no! of course not! that would be terrible!
W: that is indeed the definition of coolty. or tubulerosity. or radiculoneuropathy. wait, what?
J: that last one may have snuck in there from your studies
P: i don’t hide my feelings....except from him
P: and most others
J: Hmm, looks like today will be grey with darker horizontal stripes! Just like yesterday!
B: you have a car, right?
W: I do indeed
B: but you don't want to drive into the city
W: I'd rather be set on fire.
W: and I was really glad that Michael Gambon turned his intensity down a notch or seven
J: did you actually think Michael Gambon turned down the intensity? I didn't feel like that was noticeable
W: well, compared to the last movie, he could have whipped out a gun and shot McGonagall and still would have seemed calmer